Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year

I think in my last post I had forgotten to mention a few names, and some of them probably got offended, so here is a big thank to Trying to Follow Jesus, Kafir ibn al Shaitan, Anon, Dovecoder, bhigr, Ronald B, Bu Larue and Hesperado.  Please keep on reading my blog and comment on it, your support means a lot.

It is so easy to judge others, isn’t it? Has anyone ever tried to picture themselves in my shoes and think what I am going through? I guess the only person here who can empathize with me is Talitha, because she too is an ex -Muslim and comes from a similar family background.

I think you guys need to go back and read my posts again. I have mentioned it pretty clearly that I am a very new apostate, just been over two months now when I actually gave up Islam, and you guys expect me to pack my bags and escape to the United States or Canada or whichever country offers me asylum? Do you think it is that easy to wind up your 25 years of life living in the same country in just 2 months? To give up my job where I have been working for 11 years in a blink of an eye? To go to my bank and tell them I won’t be able to pay the interest free loan that they have given me to buy my car and that they can probably take the car and sell it themselves? I cannot just wake up one morning and run away from my existence. It needs proper planning and execution and it will happen at the right time, but for the time being, I am happy being just what I am – A closeted Apostate.

What about when I land in America or Canada? What then? Where will I live? Where will I work? Who will help me in getting a job and a legal status? There are far too many illegal immigrants in those countries as it is, and there is no way I am going to add one more to the list.

Besides that, what will I tell my family? Besides my parents, brothers and sister, I have a huge extended family, including grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins. I have 3 nieces and 2 nephews who love me to bits. Can I live with the fact that my brothers and sister would tell them that their favorite aunty is dead to them? That would be so devastating for me and even for them. I do not want to lose my family, and that is why I can never come out in the open with my apostasy.

As Talitha very aptly wrote in her last post:

For many apostates, the main reason they find themselves forced to remain living in secret is the horrible fact that everyone around them, their loved ones, family, friends, might and will leave them. It might not be "dangerous", and certainly other apostates have it much worse, but it is something that affects the human altogether in a very negative way. Something many people are not ready to throw themselves in.

Is it cowardly? Maybe. But I see it as someone who is living secretly as a homosexual, having to 'come out', not exactly, but a analogy to understand how it may be. For many apostates, being killed is not their worry, but they know for sure they will be beaten, they will be forever spoken of terribly, and they will continuously be told they are supposed to, by Allah's rule, be killed. Even if the apostate is NOT killed, the fact that everyone around them believes they should be... would be devastating to see that in the eyes of those they love. It is very hurtful and a person can only tolerate much.
I assure everyone that I have no intention to live here in the Middle East all my life and I am exploring all options to escape from here, but at the same time, I need to be sure that my future is secure and I do no end up being a burden to anyone. I just hope that this is the last time I am trying to defend myself or prove my sincerity, because from now on, I would like to focus on the main issue here, that is exposing Islam and to explicate my apostasy in detail.

So look out my next post, entitled “The Holocaust.”

Till then, I wish you all a very Happy New Year.

Friday, December 30, 2011

The only freedom which is NOT AVAILABLE to me in this country is changing my religion and announcing my apostasy

First of all, I would like to personally thank Wisdom Hunter, Isaac, Quiet Dave, Gravenimage, Wheatington, Shayne, Urban Infidel, Awake, Usama, CGW, John K, Seanrobsville, MartinKonvicka, Talitha, Treah and last but not least, a very big thank you to Mr. Ali Sina for visiting my blog and for posting such valuable comments. As for people like Skouti, Stoned 7 and Slave of Allah, I really feel nothing else for them except pity...the same kind of pity I feel for my family, relatives and Muslim friends. I just wish and pray to God that one day they, too, can see light and have the guts to free themselves from Islam, as I have done.

As I have mentioned in my previous profile, I moved to the Middle East when I was 10 years old, with my parents and 3 other siblings. My dad used to work in a bank and retired as an Assistant Manager after working there for 20 years. It has been around 5 years since my dad retired, and he moved back to Pakistan with mom, and now they are happily staying in our ancestral home with my grandparents. My married sister also stays in Karachi close to my parents with her 3 children, whereas both my brothers are still over here in the Middle East with their families. As for me, I am a 35-year-old woman working in a bank and living in a very comfortable 2-bedroom apartment which I share with a smart dynamic & independent divorced woman. Since she is not a Muslim, I do not have to worry about my computer and internet privacy. In any case, she has her own laptop and I have my own. My parents are very orthodox and very devout Muslims but they are not fanatics, and that is precisely why I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that they might not kill me for apostasy but they will surely disown me.

So you see, I am very independent. I have my own privacy to do whatever I want, go wherever I want and read whatever I want…I drive a 2011 BMW X5 which I purchased in December 2010, so even financially I am pretty comfortable. I am not here to ask anyone for financial aid, as someone suggested yesterday. The only freedom which is NOT AVAILABLE to me in this country is changing my religion and announcing my apostasy.

This country where I reside is in the Middle East, but it is not Saudi Arabia, so the internet censorship here is not that bad. And in any case, I use a proxy (, which helps me bypass the firewalls set up by the local service provider. I am not a fool to buy these books by Amazon and get them delivered to an address. Most of the books I have purchased from ibooks online store, and I read them on my ipad. Some books, like Understanding Muhammad by the brilliant Ali Sina, were sent to me by the author himself, who was kind enough to email me the PDF.

Gosh, I don’t know why I have to defend myself, my existence and my apostasy over and over again. Why is it so difficult to believe that I am a very smart, independent, intelligent and intellectual woman who actually has a mind of her own?

I am requesting all my friends and well wishers yet once again to please ignore comments by Skouti, Stoned and Slave of Allah. Don’t you see that they are trying to divert the attention towards themselves? The best way to deal with these people is by completely ignoring them.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

I have spent 35 years in an evil cult and it is so difficult to get over it or put it behind me

I am at work right now but not able to concentrate on anything because there is this deep anger and bitterness inside me which is making it impossible to live a normal life. So I thought, let me start writing and release the tension right away, or else I will end up having a nervous breakdown. Why am I so stressed? Even I do not know for sure, but I guess it is just the people around me who make me mad. I mean these fanatic Muslims who have nothing better to do all day except pray, recite the Quran and share that moron’s anecdotes with other equally stupid idiots.

Someone has commented on my last post that why don’t I share it with my parents instead of writing about it on the blog? I think either that guy is mentally challenged or he is just a sadist who wants to read about yet another honor killing in the Muslim world. My parents are really staunch Muslims. My dad prays in the mosque five times a day and my mom wears the burqa and prays 6 times a day, 5 obligatory prayers and then an additional one called Tahajjud. There is no way I can share with parents or my siblings or any of my relatives, and not even with my Muslim friends or colleagues. If my family ever finds out, they might not kill me, but they will definitely disown me for life.

The only reason I am writing this blog is because I need to release my pent up frustrations and this is the only way I can do it, an anonymous blog. None of you can understand my predicament unless and until you also happen to be an ex-Muslim. Even now, I get nightmares every night where I am either fasting or praying or circumambulating around that black square object in Mecca. I get panic attacks each time I pass by a mosque or hear or see people praying.  I have spent 35 years in an evil cult and it is so difficult to get over it or put it behind me. Sometimes, I even feel suicidal because I just cannot take it anymore, I feel extremely lonely and disconnected from the people around me. I feel totally alienated from my own family and I feel this suffocation inside me which is really killing me.

When I was in school, we were taught Islamic studies right from kindergarten till grade 12, and even during my graduation, Islamic studies was a compulsory subject. We were taught a whitewashed version of Mohammed’s biography which depicted him as a saint, a kind hearted and loving prophet of God who wanted a Utopian society where everyone believed in one God. He was a poor orphan who lost his mother at the age of 6 and then was brought up by his grandfather and uncle, then married a woman 15 years older than him. He defended this people from the enemy and the wars that he fought were only defensive. This was what I knew all my life until recently when I read the truth behind his benevolent demeanor, when I was exposed to books such as Understanding Muhammad, The Truth about Muhammad, The Cult of the Moon God, Why I am not a Muslim and several other similar books. One day, I want to write a book as well, about my past life and a typical Muslim woman’s life, the challenges she faces on a day to day basis. In fact, I already got an offer to co-write a book, and I am seriously considering the possibility of doing it.

But before I do that, the blog thing is not a bad idea at all, all thanks to my dear friend & well wisher Robert Spencer. By the way, someone seriously thinks that I happen to be Robert’s alter ego or something like that... Well, to put an end to such baseless rumors, I would appreciate if you could have a look at the following links. Now don’t tell me that Robert would actually go through such lengths to prove his point. Come on guys, he has better things to do than this….Anyway, the following are a few questions that I wrote to Ali Sina when I first started having doubts regarding my beliefs.  I have also written to Daniel Pipes, David Wood and Pamela Geller. Now don’t tell me that Robert pretended to be some Shakila and wrote to all of these people. Don’t you think that is far too desperate even if he wants to prove his point that Islam is a hoax? No one can hate anyone or anything that much, to go to such lengths.

I am not trying to defend myself. I don’t care what you think of me but I do feel terribly guilty when you make Robert seem to stoop so low.


Tuesday, December 27, 2011

More background about who I am and what I am doing

Seems like there is a rumor going around that I am western educated and that I perhaps live in a western country because of my almost perfect English. Unfortunately, that is not the case, though I wish it were true but I have never really lived in any western country. I was born in Pakistan, moved to the Middle East when I was 10 years old, and since then have been here. I have visited a few places like Europe, Australia, Canada and the US, but never really lived or studied there. I have been an avid reader since I was 5 years old and have this voracious appetite for books which never got diminished. I started off with Enid Blyton, then went to Agatha Christie, then Mills & Boons and Barbara Cartland during my teens. I still remember those days when I used to read romance novels below my bedcovers with a pen torch lest my parents found out.  As you can see, the credit goes to my penchant for books, rather than to anything or anyone else. Besides, I have always watched a lot of American television and Hollywood movies, so that, too, has played an important part in my developing proper linguistic skills.

I have three siblings and I am the eldest. I have two brothers and a sister; all are married and settled except me, not because no one ever proposed to me, but because I just could not make myself do it, I mean sign a lifelong bondage/slavery contract with some fanatic Muslim man. Muslim men are such morons, I swear; they are hypocrites in the first degree. They have a different set of rules for themselves and a different one for their women.  Total male chauvinistic pigs... I was always fascinated with the idea of marrying a western non Muslim man who would love, honor and respect me as an equal instead of getting married to some clone of Mohammed.  I am sure everyone is aware of his famous words “Women are deficient in their minds” or “I have been to hell and seen it full of women”.  These and many other hadeeth and Quranic verses have proclaimed that women are inferior to men and that men have an upper hand on them.  I never really liked the teachings of Islam and used to wonder deep down why is Islam so backward and why it could not be progressive like Christianity. I had so many questions but never had the guts to voice my thoughts aloud until recently, when I just had an epiphany one fine day and I knew that I had to do it, do the unthinkable, the impossible: I have to become an apostate. Then the journey began; months of studying and researching accompanied with sleepless nights and mental trauma and affliction which finally lead me to the unspoken truth that Islam is a hoax, a lie, and a make believe religion invented by Mohammed to fulfill his own carnal and self serving desires.

Even though most people have given me their absolute support on my apostasy, there are some who are still in a doubt that if I really exist and wonder if I am just a figment of Spencer’s imagination. Why someone who happens to be a famous, well established and distinguished celebrity like Mr. Robert Spencer need to create an imaginary character like Liberated? It really does not make sense and it really causes me a lot of pain that I am not getting credit where it is due. I have gone through a lot, and whatever I am writing here on this blog comes straight from the bottom of my heart.  I am an apostate of Islam but let me make it clear, no one has brainwashed me, as some people like to believe. I am not some stupid, uneducated moron who would just get swayed away by someone.  No one forced it on me, no one asked me to leave Islam. I did it on my own because I truly never believed in many of its teachings and backward 7th century doctrine, but I just needed a push in the right direction, which was given to me by my mentor Ali Sina, as well as by some great writers like Mr. Robert Spencer, Mr. Daniel Pipes, Ms. Pamela Geller and Mr. Raymond Ibrahim.  These people have exposed Islam to the world like no one has ever done before, and I salute them all for their remarkable efforts.

During the last few months, I have studied Islam like never before. I have read dozens of books, different Quran translations, interpretations, biographies of Mohammed and the hadeeth.  During the next few weeks, I will try my best to bring forward the idiosyncrasies of Islam and its founder Mohammed.  Hopefully, one day people like Slave of Allah and Kai will give up this evil cult and join the group of humanity.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Thank you

First of all, I would like to say that I am overwhelmed by the positive response that I am getting from all of you. I would like to personally thank all of you who have written such warm and encouraging comments to my post, and a big thanks for defending me so passionately from Kai56. I really cannot blame him, because he is just a typical Muslim who believes that no matter what, Islam is right and Mohammed is the best human being, and Muslims are the best of all nations. It is something which has been instilled in the minds of these people, and it takes a lot of courage and guts to shake it out of your system.

Since I do not want to reveal my identity for obvious reasons, I won't be able to respond to each and every comment personally, as I am not posting on the blog myself. Robert and I both thought it would be much safer if I forward him the articles and let him post them on my blog. This way the crazy fanatics like Kai and Slave of Allah won't be able to trace me down, and unfortunately they won't get the great honor of killing me and going straight to paradise to bang the 72 whores waiting for them there.

I have a small request for all my friends and well wishers, I just want you to ignore people like Kai and Slave of Allah. Reacting to their crazy comments is like acknowledging them in the first place, which is totally serving their purpose. I know that what I have done is the right thing, and I am on the right path finally, after being in prison for half of my life. There are other more important things for me to do other than defend myself in front of these losers. They are nothing but clones of Mohammed, heartless and brain-dead.

I will try to drop in a few lines every day, because I have a lot, a whole lot of things to say which I have been keeping inside for so long that I sometimes felt as if I would explode, but now thanks to the path shown to me by the Lord, I feel so free and light, as if all the load has been taken off my chest.

Even if I am not able to respond to your comments due to safety reasons, I would appreciate it very much if you keep on reading my blog and posting your lovely comments...

Saturday, December 24, 2011

This Is What Islam Does to You

I was born in a very typical Sunni Muslim household, not very conservative like the Arabs, but nevertheless religious enough. I was born in Karachi, Pakistan to a very respectable Mohajjir family (mohajjirs are immigrants from India from the time of the partition in 1947). I moved to another Muslim country with my parents when I was just 10 years old and still live there.

I really wish there were a way I could freely live in a free society where I could follow the religion that I want without any compulsion. So far, I am not really sure what I am. I just know that I am not an atheist, because I do believe in a God, but that God cannot be the Allah of Mohammed. God is kind and merciful, not evil, cruel, mean and sadistic, as is Allah.

Have you ever read the Quran in English? I never did, I mean all my life I just recited the Quran in Arabic without understanding a single word until August of this year, when I purchased a copy of the English Quran and read the translation for the first time. Previously I had read some parts of it in English, but never the whole thing. But this year in August I read it from cover to cover, and then also read other references on the internet. Then I finally reached the conclusion that this book is the most evil thing on the face of this earth. It teaches nothing else except hatred and violence. I can no longer be a part of a cult which subjugates its followers, making them mere blind puppets with no mind of their own.

During the course of last four months, I have done nothing else but read, read and read. I spend hours a day reading Ali Sina and watching videos of David Wood and others who are trying their best to expose Islam to the world. I read 23 Years by Ali Dashti. The best among them all is Ali Sina's Understanding Muhammad and of course Robert Spencer’s The Truth About Muhammad. These kind of books are banned here, but I managed to find Robert’s book on Ibook, so I purchased it and just finished reading it yesterday.

I don't know how to go about it. I mean, I want to remain anonymous, but at the same time I need help. I don't want to be killed just because I am brave enough to tell the truth. I am really in a terrible jam. I do not want to lose my life just because I do not believe in that evil religion anymore.

Last Sunday I went to the church here and attended the mass. Then I went to see the priest and asked him for help. He said that his hands were tied and he really could not do anything to help me, because when they had first gotten permission to built a church in this country, they had to agree to a few terms and conditions with the government here. One of them was not to convert anyone from Islam. He said if anyone finds out, the church would be closed and he would probably end up in jail.

The priest said he could not help me personally, but that I was more than welcome to attend the mass and sit quietly at the back. He said, “Do not talk to anyone or reveal who you are.” It is a good idea, but frankly, I am not sure if I want to do that every week, because last Sunday I saw quite a few police cars circling the church premises, and I am really scared. What if someone checks my ID or something? They would probably close down the church and put me in jail, and maybe even execute me. My life will be in danger if anyone finds out that I have left Islam.

I have a friend, a pretty young girl from Morocco who also lives here and works with me. She too has given up Islam recently but she is also very afraid of her life. This is what Islam does to you. When you are in it, your life is nothing but living in the fear of hell, and once you leave it, it is not less than hell because you are constantly scared to lose your life.

Thursday, December 22, 2011


Can you imagine how it feels to be finally liberated from an evil cult which was started by a sadistic, misogynistic, pedophile, anti-semite, a bandit and a perverted sex maniac fourteen centuries ago? How it feels to finally emerge from a fear and guilt infested existence? What the first air of freedom feels like? You can never truly understand this overwhelming feeling of absolute emancipation unless and until you are an ex-Muslim like me. Yes, I am an apostate of Islam, and I am so proud to be able to finally announce it to the world.

To tell you the truth, I have never really been a good Muslim, because I have always been a very good human being. I guess everyone but the Muslims would know that a good human being is always a bad Muslim and vice versa, because the two can never go together. I always loved all human beings and never judged anyone based on their religion, unlike the teachings of Quran, which says we are not supposed to befriend non-Muslims and we are supposed to slay them wherever we find them. That is clearly mentioned in the 9th sura.

Speaking of which, I have to admit that I never liked the teachings of that so-called holy book, and it always made me feel helpless and sad. I wanted and wished fervently that all the people in the world would live happily in peace and not make religion a bone of contention among them. But the situation always got worse, and 9 times out of 10, the Muslims were responsible.

After 9/11, I seriously started to doubt my beliefs, but I never had the guts or the courage to face them until I came across my friend, my savior and my mentor Ali Sina just a few months ago. He has changed my outlook of life and he really opened up my eyes to the false and evil cult of Islam, which I had been blindly following for the last 35 years, albeit halfheartedly. It is not that I wasn't aware of the evil of Islam, because I had been fairly well acquainted with the works of accomplished and judicious writers like Robert Spencer, Pamela Geller, Daniel Pipes and Raymond Ibrahim, but they were not Muslims, so somewhere deep down inside, I always ended up giving Mohammed the messenger of Allah the benefit of the doubt. It was only when I suddenly stumbled upon Ali Sina's website and subsequently his book "Understanding Mohammed" that actually made me wake up to this harsh reality. The truth hurts, as they say, so when I realized for the first time that Islam was actually a hoax, it broke me down completely. It took me a while to come to terms with it; I went through several stages like denial and anger, but finally I have come to the acceptance stage.

I have stopped praying completely since 28th of October 2011, so it has just been almost two months now but I have to admit, I have never felt so peaceful and relaxed in my life. I don't have to wake up every morning at unearthly hours to pray fajar or make time at work to pray zuhar and asar. I don't have to miss my favorite show on TV because its time for Magreb. I can now go to bed at any time I want at night without having to make sure I pray Isha before I sleep.

A lot of changes have taken place in my life, which I would explicate in the weeks to come, but for now, let's toast to new beginnings. Till next week, here is wishing you all a Merry Christmas.