Disowned!!!! Yeah, that is what my family has done to me. They have
disowned me for life... Why? Because I am in love with a British
Christian man and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Isn't it
strange? How can parents be so ruthless towards their own flesh and
blood?
Well, as you all know, things were not going very good with John, he
just wasn't willing to commit, so I sort of gave him an ultimatum. I
said either you commit to me or else I am leaving this country for good
and moving to the US, where I would be granted asylum based on my
apostasy. He got paranoid and agreed to meet my family, since my parents
are on a visit this summer and staying with my brothers, so I invited
mom and dad for lunch two weeks ago to a restaurant and told them that I
am bringing someone special whom I want them to meet and approve. They
were a bit skeptical, but I think they almost assumed it would be a
Pakistani or an Indian Muslim or maybe an Arab, but I am sure they never expected to see a white guy.
As soon as they entered the restaurant, John and I got up to greet them.
To say that my parents were shocked beyond their wits would be the
understatement of the year. Anyway, dad shook hands and we all sat down
for lunch and I must say that dad did behave pretty good, he was civil
to him and they both talked about cricket, food, England, the Middle
East and the crazy Arabs and their erratic driving. It went on pretty
smooth and then we all departed with a very civil goodbye. Then an hour
later, while John and I were watching a movie at his place, mom called
me up and said, "This is the last time I am calling you, because your
dad and I disown you: from this day onwards, you are dead for us. You
have really let us down by getting involved with a non Muslim. It's
over, so please
never even try to get in touch." And she just hung up on me.
I was devastated and started crying uncontrollably. John could not
believe it either, and poor guy has been extremely supportive since
then. Last week my mom sort of came around, she called me up, but now
she is pretending nothing happened. She always calls me when dad is not
around, which I am sure means dad has no idea she is talking to me. Both
my brothers are not talking to me either, but my sisters in law are,
and they have been very nice about it. I guess women are easier to come
around than men when it comes to matters of the heart.
John left for the UK last week and I then applied for a UK visit visa,
which I just got on Thursday, and now the next step is to apply for a
Schengen visa, as John and I plan to travel across Europe, but the most
difficult part is how in the world am I going to explain to my family,
friends, colleagues and everyone else that why the hell am I going away
on a trip to the UK and Europe right in the middle of Ramadan. They
don’t know that I am not a Muslim anymore and this time in Ramadan, for
the first time in my life, I won’t be fasting, so that part is going to
be tough.
I know one thing for sure, that I want to spend the rest of my life
with this man and I can do anything, just about anything for him and our
future together. I would like to request all my readers to please pray
for us and that my family would eventually come around and accept me for
what I am. So till next time, have a great week. Cheers.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were"
This has always been one of my favorite all-time love quotes because it is so true, but yet it is not very easy to follow. It is so difficult to set someone you love free and give them space. Yes, you guessed it right, my boyfriend and I have been having some major problems lately; in fact, ever since I have met him, my life has been like a roller coaster. He has so many issues and I try my best to be part of his life and help him deal with them, but he is a very difficult person to handle, so stubborn, very negative and extremely childish. He is 5 years older than me, but sometimes I feel he is 15 years younger.
Personal life aside, I am very happy spiritually and really enjoying my new life as a born-again Christian. So many activities that I hardly ever get time to think back about my old life and even when I do, I feel less anger now and more sympathy for the people that I have left behind, that is, my family and friends who are still living in that hell hole called Islam. The pastor at my Bible Studies also commented on my change of attitude, which has changed drastically over the last few weeks. I feel more at peace with life and now when I think of my past, I don't feel that anger and bitterness that had been a part of me ever since I left Islam last October.
This morning I was talking to my best friend and partner in crime, the girl who also left Islam more or less the same time I did, and she said something so funny that I really have to tell you guys. She said a Muslim person is like a computer with a major System Error, and no matter how many times you reboot the computer, the system error message won't go away. It usually means the hard disk is nearly full and we need to close some programs to delete some files or get a bigger hard drive. When we try to load a file which is too large to store in RAM (random access memory). This is exactly the problem with the mind of a Muslim, it is so full of shit that there is no way to make space for anything else. So even when you try to tell them the truth, it just won't register. Why? Because their memory is full of that evil book which has an everlasting pernicious effect on their minds, the fucking Koran, the book of fairy tales and of course the other handbook, Hadeeth, which is basically a list of of Mo's OCD's and his phobias. So definitely, you will get a major System Error.
What is the solution? I don't know..I am not an IT person..
From now on, I will try to write at least once every week. I guess I have been far too occupied in my life to think about anything else. A new boyfriend who takes up a lot of my mental and emotional strength, then on top of that twice a week Church and then my Bible Studies. But I am not complaining, because I am actually very happy. But I have really missed you guys, and hopefully I won't be gone for long this time...
Personal life aside, I am very happy spiritually and really enjoying my new life as a born-again Christian. So many activities that I hardly ever get time to think back about my old life and even when I do, I feel less anger now and more sympathy for the people that I have left behind, that is, my family and friends who are still living in that hell hole called Islam. The pastor at my Bible Studies also commented on my change of attitude, which has changed drastically over the last few weeks. I feel more at peace with life and now when I think of my past, I don't feel that anger and bitterness that had been a part of me ever since I left Islam last October.
This morning I was talking to my best friend and partner in crime, the girl who also left Islam more or less the same time I did, and she said something so funny that I really have to tell you guys. She said a Muslim person is like a computer with a major System Error, and no matter how many times you reboot the computer, the system error message won't go away. It usually means the hard disk is nearly full and we need to close some programs to delete some files or get a bigger hard drive. When we try to load a file which is too large to store in RAM (random access memory). This is exactly the problem with the mind of a Muslim, it is so full of shit that there is no way to make space for anything else. So even when you try to tell them the truth, it just won't register. Why? Because their memory is full of that evil book which has an everlasting pernicious effect on their minds, the fucking Koran, the book of fairy tales and of course the other handbook, Hadeeth, which is basically a list of of Mo's OCD's and his phobias. So definitely, you will get a major System Error.
What is the solution? I don't know..I am not an IT person..
From now on, I will try to write at least once every week. I guess I have been far too occupied in my life to think about anything else. A new boyfriend who takes up a lot of my mental and emotional strength, then on top of that twice a week Church and then my Bible Studies. But I am not complaining, because I am actually very happy. But I have really missed you guys, and hopefully I won't be gone for long this time...
Friday, April 6, 2012
Life is sheer bliss
I don't recall being this happy ever before in my life like I have been last couple of months, thanks to my John who just came out of the blue and swept me off my feet. Not only has he flooded me with all his love and affection, but he also showed me the true path which leads to God, the real God. I have been reading a lot of Bible lately and today finally he took me to his church, because he felt that I am ready now. If you guys remember, I had written about my Catholic church experience before, where the priest had actually turned me away, saying they are not allowed to convert Muslims, and if they do, their church would be shutdown. Well, today I was expecting more or less the same kind of reaction, but the Protestant church was nothing like the Catholic church. The pastor was very kind and welcomed me with open arms. All the fellow worshippers were extremely kind and considerate, and they all assured me that my secret is safe with the church. I was there for 2 hours, listening to the sermon and then the songs, and then we all prayed. I just cannot explain in words how peaceful I felt afterwards. I made some new friends, who invited me to their home groups and bible study groups. I am officially a Christan now, and it makes me so proud so say that I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and I believe he died for our sins. He truly is the son of God and there is no other way to God other than through Jesus.
I am so thankful to God that I never got married to some psychopath misogynistic Muslim loser, though I have to admit I was pretty close doing that couple of times, but then common sense prevailed and I changed my mind. I guess deep down inside, I always knew that something is really screwed up in Islam, and especially in Muslim men. John has really made me the happiest person on earth. Not only does he respect me as an individual who has a mind and opinion of her own, but actually treats me as an equal. None of that male chauvinism that prevails densely in Muslim men, and I am truly blessed that I have him in my life.
With this short note, I would like to wish all my readers a very Happy Easter. God bless.
I am so thankful to God that I never got married to some psychopath misogynistic Muslim loser, though I have to admit I was pretty close doing that couple of times, but then common sense prevailed and I changed my mind. I guess deep down inside, I always knew that something is really screwed up in Islam, and especially in Muslim men. John has really made me the happiest person on earth. Not only does he respect me as an individual who has a mind and opinion of her own, but actually treats me as an equal. None of that male chauvinism that prevails densely in Muslim men, and I am truly blessed that I have him in my life.
With this short note, I would like to wish all my readers a very Happy Easter. God bless.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Some clarifications
I have been pretty clear about my background, but people seem still be to confused. I do not live in Pakistan, as some people assume, but in the Middle East, in fact, in a pretty liberal city in the Middle East where I can openly date a good looking, Western Christian man and no one would even bat an eyelid. Over here, most of the local Arabs love fucking around Filipinos and other Far Eastern women so they are not exactly in the position to judge me.
I go with John to bars and clubs on most weekends. We drink, dance and basically paint the town red, and so far no one ever had any objection, so I really do not know from where people got the idea that I would be killed or stoned or something for dating a non-Muslim guy. Gosh, this is really insane. For heaven's sake, I do not live in Saudi Arabia. Here we get alcohol and even pork, you just need a liquor and pork permit for that. In fact, this very moment, I have a few bottles of vodka and gin in my cupboard. This place is really cool to live in, as long as you do not openly say or do something blasphemous.
I have gone through a lot in my life, from being a not so observant Muslim to a pretty ok kind of Muslim woman who used to pray five times a day and fasting the whole month of Ramadan for most of my life. Then last year, I went through one of the most difficult times of my life and I gave up Islam and became an apostate at first, then a deist and then even an agnostic. In fact, I was almost on my way to being an atheist. I was far too hurt, bitter, resentful and extremely angry at Islam and Mohammed for making me live in fear and guilt all my life. He had created a fear of Allah, the angry, cruel and sadist Allah in the hearts and minds of Muslims. We were not human beings, but zombies who had a blind faith in an evil man who claimed to be the last prophet of God. It was right then when I had almost lost faith in God that I met the love of my life, John. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He made me start believing in God again. He just asked me one thing: do you hate Allah? I said, yes I hate Allah and I hate that son of a bitch Mohammed. He said, why do you hate Allah? I said, because he does not exist and whatever qualities Mohammed claims he has, they are not Godly at all. Then he asked me one very simple question: that if there is a God, how would you want him to be? What kind of qualities would you like to be there in your God? I said if a God truly existed, he would be kind, compassionate and forgiving. He would never take pleasure in torturing his creation in eternal hell. To which he replied, that is exactly the God we believe in. Our God has all those and many more such qualities.
He did not make me change my mind overnight, but yes he had a very important role in making be a believer again. I am not really that angry anymore and I am actually pretty happy these days, and you know what, losers like skouti cannot do anything to change that... I don't care what others think. If they want to think that I do not exist, fine, let them. In fact, it might prove to be better for me in the long run. No one can accuse me of blasphemy or execute me for apostasy because I do not exist. I am Robert Spencer's alter ego. So guys, keep on thinking that Shakila Khan does not exist. It suits me just fine...
I go with John to bars and clubs on most weekends. We drink, dance and basically paint the town red, and so far no one ever had any objection, so I really do not know from where people got the idea that I would be killed or stoned or something for dating a non-Muslim guy. Gosh, this is really insane. For heaven's sake, I do not live in Saudi Arabia. Here we get alcohol and even pork, you just need a liquor and pork permit for that. In fact, this very moment, I have a few bottles of vodka and gin in my cupboard. This place is really cool to live in, as long as you do not openly say or do something blasphemous.
I have gone through a lot in my life, from being a not so observant Muslim to a pretty ok kind of Muslim woman who used to pray five times a day and fasting the whole month of Ramadan for most of my life. Then last year, I went through one of the most difficult times of my life and I gave up Islam and became an apostate at first, then a deist and then even an agnostic. In fact, I was almost on my way to being an atheist. I was far too hurt, bitter, resentful and extremely angry at Islam and Mohammed for making me live in fear and guilt all my life. He had created a fear of Allah, the angry, cruel and sadist Allah in the hearts and minds of Muslims. We were not human beings, but zombies who had a blind faith in an evil man who claimed to be the last prophet of God. It was right then when I had almost lost faith in God that I met the love of my life, John. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He made me start believing in God again. He just asked me one thing: do you hate Allah? I said, yes I hate Allah and I hate that son of a bitch Mohammed. He said, why do you hate Allah? I said, because he does not exist and whatever qualities Mohammed claims he has, they are not Godly at all. Then he asked me one very simple question: that if there is a God, how would you want him to be? What kind of qualities would you like to be there in your God? I said if a God truly existed, he would be kind, compassionate and forgiving. He would never take pleasure in torturing his creation in eternal hell. To which he replied, that is exactly the God we believe in. Our God has all those and many more such qualities.
He did not make me change my mind overnight, but yes he had a very important role in making be a believer again. I am not really that angry anymore and I am actually pretty happy these days, and you know what, losers like skouti cannot do anything to change that... I don't care what others think. If they want to think that I do not exist, fine, let them. In fact, it might prove to be better for me in the long run. No one can accuse me of blasphemy or execute me for apostasy because I do not exist. I am Robert Spencer's alter ego. So guys, keep on thinking that Shakila Khan does not exist. It suits me just fine...
Monday, March 19, 2012
"It is best to love wisely, no doubt: but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all."
Hello, my dear friends. It has been indeed a very long time since I posted something on my blog. I guess I have been very busy elsewhere. Yeah, yeah you guys would want to know what else could be more important than my blog. Well, let me just say that I have met someone really really special and he has been the center of my attention lately. In fact, I tried writing several times but just could not get past the writer's block. I guess this is what love does to you. Though I cannot say for sure it's really love, but yes, I am totally besotted with him. I had often wondered why I am still single and why did I always end up meeting the wrong guy, in fact it was more like a pattern. The same kind of guy and the same kind of problems, so obviously it always ended on more or less the same note. But this time things have been different because this time the gentleman in question is not a Muslim. This is precisely why I am actually happy in a relationship and I don't go around saying "I hate men. All men are bastards." Because he is different, he is not like a typical man because he is not a male chauvinist Muslim man. He is a very pious, practising Christian man and he is trying his level best to show me the path to Christ. May God help him in his noble mission.
A lot has been happening at the work front lately. One of my stupid colleagues, yes, yes, the stupid Egyptian guy, came over to my office the other day rather excited and said, "Guess what Shakila, I have discovered something really unbelievable in the Quran. Something that no one has ever realized before me."
I was like, "Wow Ahmed, you never cease to amaze me. So tell me, what is it this time?"
He said, "Do you know about Stem Cell?"
I said, "Yes, I do, and I am pretty much interested in it and read a lot about it since it was in the news a lot lately."
He said, "Exactly, it has been in the news for the last decade or so, but you know something? Quran mentions about Stem Cell 14 centuries ago."
I was totally flabbergasted, to say the least. I almost gulped on my coffee and said, "Wow, Ahmed, amazing. Please tell me more." He then quoted the following verse of the Quran in Arabic and then translated it into English:
Surah Al-Hajj
O mankind! if ye are in doubt concerning the Resurrection, then lo! We have created you from dust, then from a drop of seed, then from a clot, then from a little lump of flesh shapely and shapeless, that We may make (it) clear for you. And We cause what We will to remain in the wombs for an appointed time, and afterward We bring you forth as infants, then (give you growth) that ye attain your full strength. And among you there is he who dieth (young), and among you there is he who is brought back to the most abject time of life, so that, after knowledge, he knoweth naught. And thou (Muhammad) seest the earth barren, but when We send down water thereon, it doth thrill and swell and put forth every lovely kind (of growth). (5)
Yeah, I know what you guys are thinking. I was as stumped as you are. For the life of me, I cannot fathom where the hell is Stem Cell mentioned in the above verse, but no, the ever-so-wise Mr. Ahmed thinks that the verse speaks very clearly about the Stem Cell. Hmmmm... Didn't I always say that Muslims are totally weird? And that is actually an understatement.
Well, all I can say is that I am so thankful to God almighty that I never actually got married to a lunatic Muslim man, though I have to admit, I did come quite close to it a few times. But thank God, my common sense had always kicked in at the right time, though I never really knew at that time why I was refusing the man in question. Now that I am not a blind Muslim woman anymore, I know it beyond any doubt that I would have never been happy with a Muslim MCP. I kind of feel sorry for my mom, my grand moms, my aunts, cousins and my friends for having to live through the hell...
I really do not want to waste any more of my energies on all these negative depressing thoughts, because I am really very happy these days.. First of all, I am totally and completely out of the evil cult called Islam, and secondly I am so happy with John... He is surely the best thing that has ever happened to me...
I can't promise but I will try my level best not to take such a long sabbatical from my blog again. Love you all...
A lot has been happening at the work front lately. One of my stupid colleagues, yes, yes, the stupid Egyptian guy, came over to my office the other day rather excited and said, "Guess what Shakila, I have discovered something really unbelievable in the Quran. Something that no one has ever realized before me."
I was like, "Wow Ahmed, you never cease to amaze me. So tell me, what is it this time?"
He said, "Do you know about Stem Cell?"
I said, "Yes, I do, and I am pretty much interested in it and read a lot about it since it was in the news a lot lately."
He said, "Exactly, it has been in the news for the last decade or so, but you know something? Quran mentions about Stem Cell 14 centuries ago."
I was totally flabbergasted, to say the least. I almost gulped on my coffee and said, "Wow, Ahmed, amazing. Please tell me more." He then quoted the following verse of the Quran in Arabic and then translated it into English:
Surah Al-Hajj
O mankind! if ye are in doubt concerning the Resurrection, then lo! We have created you from dust, then from a drop of seed, then from a clot, then from a little lump of flesh shapely and shapeless, that We may make (it) clear for you. And We cause what We will to remain in the wombs for an appointed time, and afterward We bring you forth as infants, then (give you growth) that ye attain your full strength. And among you there is he who dieth (young), and among you there is he who is brought back to the most abject time of life, so that, after knowledge, he knoweth naught. And thou (Muhammad) seest the earth barren, but when We send down water thereon, it doth thrill and swell and put forth every lovely kind (of growth). (5)
Yeah, I know what you guys are thinking. I was as stumped as you are. For the life of me, I cannot fathom where the hell is Stem Cell mentioned in the above verse, but no, the ever-so-wise Mr. Ahmed thinks that the verse speaks very clearly about the Stem Cell. Hmmmm... Didn't I always say that Muslims are totally weird? And that is actually an understatement.
Well, all I can say is that I am so thankful to God almighty that I never actually got married to a lunatic Muslim man, though I have to admit, I did come quite close to it a few times. But thank God, my common sense had always kicked in at the right time, though I never really knew at that time why I was refusing the man in question. Now that I am not a blind Muslim woman anymore, I know it beyond any doubt that I would have never been happy with a Muslim MCP. I kind of feel sorry for my mom, my grand moms, my aunts, cousins and my friends for having to live through the hell...
I really do not want to waste any more of my energies on all these negative depressing thoughts, because I am really very happy these days.. First of all, I am totally and completely out of the evil cult called Islam, and secondly I am so happy with John... He is surely the best thing that has ever happened to me...
I can't promise but I will try my level best not to take such a long sabbatical from my blog again. Love you all...
Sunday, February 26, 2012
The Bourne Supremacy
Even when I was a Muslim, I often used to wonder why the hell these Muslims are so proud of themselves and their legacy. They have always taken it for granted that they would be the ones to enter heaven and the rest would burn in hell fire for eternity. I used to wonder how could the God almighty judge someone just based on their beliefs and not their good deeds. In school, my teachers used to tell us that no matter how many crimes a Muslim person committed, as long as he or she did not commit the unthinkable crime 'Shirk', he would eventually enter paradise, once he had done with his share of punishment in his temporary abode, the hell. In other words, a Muslim has a confirmed one way ticket to heaven, whereas a Non-Muslim is doomed to be in hell for eternity.
Last weekend, I was out of town visiting my uncle and his family for couple of days, and to say that it was sheer torture is an understatement. Each time I meet my family and relatives, I realize it more and more that they are totally nuts, psychopaths in fact, just like their cult leader Mo. One day at breakfast my cousin was reading out some article about Bill Gates and his philanthropic acts. Between 2007 and 2011, he has spent 28 billion US dollars in charity and saved millions of lives. I was obviously very pleased and praised him wholeheartedly, to which my uncle said with a huge sigh, "It is a real pity that such good deeds of his will go in vain, because no matter what he does, he would eventually burn in hellfire for eternity unless he realizes the truth before he dies and says the shahada". I was really shocked, to say the least. How could my favorite uncle, a top notch surgeon, say such a crappy thing about someone? Then I remembered that no matter how educated you are, once you are a Muslim, you are in some ways a brain dead zombie. As if there are two compartments in a Muslim man's mind: one deals with wordly affairs, logic, education, knowledge, intelligence and intellect, whereas the other compartment is totally one tracked, having an irrational obsession with Mohammed and his absurd idiosyncrasies. There was a lot that I wanted to say to my uncle, but then I thought, what the heck, it won't make a difference anyway, plus it would lead to an argument, which I did not want to get into lest I arouse his suspicion regarding my beliefs.
Then today at work, I came across something really weird. I was visiting a colleague in my building whom I had not seen for some time. We had lunch together and then I went to use the restroom. As soon as I saw the huge sign on the bathroom door, I just burst into a hysterical laugh. There was a Quranic ayaat with English translation and a hadeeth below as well. The ayaat went like this: "Oh Allah, please protect me from the devil who dwells in dirty places" and then the hadeeth below said enter with your right foot as prophet used to do it. Once I was done, I saw a similar sign inside the toilet door saying something similarly stupid, thanking Allah for his blessing and then another hadeeth saying please exit using your left foot first... I was flabbergasted, to say the least.. A multi national company posting such embarrassingly lame signs outside the public toilet is really pushing it too far.
My idiot Egyptian colleague was telling me the other day how fortunate we are that we are born Muslims and we should thank Allah the almighty in whatever way we can that he has given us the special status of being Muslims and that he has made paradise just for us. He went on about how damned the Christians and Jews are because they had a chance back then and even now they have a chance to see the truth but they are blind, deaf and dumb.
I remember when I was in school, we had a few Christian and Hindu students back then in late 1980's. I attended the local Pakistani school here, which also had a few non Muslim Pakistani students, which comprise a very small minority. It used to be around 20 percent at the time of partition, but now, thanks to the forced conversion, torture and rape of non Muslim women by Muslim men, they have come down to merely 2 percent of the total population of Pakistan. Anyway, those few girls and boys in my class who were not among us had to face a lot of crap in class, even from the teachers, who treated them very shabbily. They would never miss an opportunity to insult them and make them feel subjugated, as per the Quranic law. Even back then, I used to feel terribly sorry for my friend Sunita and her cousin Rohan, who were Pakistani Hindus. Then there were two Christian girls, Susan and Rose, who constantly had to defend themselves and their faith and their Lord Jesus.
The sole problem of Muslims all over the world is their inborn pride, their sense of superiority. They feel and they believe with all their conviction that they are the chosen ones who would surely end up in heaven reclining on comfortable couches made of gold and wearing silk and brocade. Drinking from the ever flowing rivers of wine, milk and honey. Screwing 72 whores, and if you are gay, you get boys as white as pearl to satisfy your deepest and darkest fantasies. Now, that is what I call the eternal paradise.
I always thought that I am not capable of hating anyone in this world, because I believed that hate is a very strong emotion and I never felt so strongly about anyone. I either loved, liked or disliked someone, or maximum, I would detest or abhor, but hate was something I never used for anyone until recently, when I experienced this strong sense of hatred deep down inside my very being, consuming every part of my heart, soul and mind. That hatred is for none other than Mohammed, the very same person whom I used to love with so much conviction that he was the most perfect human being ever born on the face of the earth. I don't think that anyone or anything could have inflicted so much pain, that it actually makes me cry out loud every day and every night. I just wish I could go to Medina, dig up his grave, pull him out and set his bones or whatever of him remains on fire. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him from the core of my heart. If it weren't for him and his crazy make believe religion, the world would have been a very peaceful place indeed - a heaven on earth.
Last weekend, I was out of town visiting my uncle and his family for couple of days, and to say that it was sheer torture is an understatement. Each time I meet my family and relatives, I realize it more and more that they are totally nuts, psychopaths in fact, just like their cult leader Mo. One day at breakfast my cousin was reading out some article about Bill Gates and his philanthropic acts. Between 2007 and 2011, he has spent 28 billion US dollars in charity and saved millions of lives. I was obviously very pleased and praised him wholeheartedly, to which my uncle said with a huge sigh, "It is a real pity that such good deeds of his will go in vain, because no matter what he does, he would eventually burn in hellfire for eternity unless he realizes the truth before he dies and says the shahada". I was really shocked, to say the least. How could my favorite uncle, a top notch surgeon, say such a crappy thing about someone? Then I remembered that no matter how educated you are, once you are a Muslim, you are in some ways a brain dead zombie. As if there are two compartments in a Muslim man's mind: one deals with wordly affairs, logic, education, knowledge, intelligence and intellect, whereas the other compartment is totally one tracked, having an irrational obsession with Mohammed and his absurd idiosyncrasies. There was a lot that I wanted to say to my uncle, but then I thought, what the heck, it won't make a difference anyway, plus it would lead to an argument, which I did not want to get into lest I arouse his suspicion regarding my beliefs.
Then today at work, I came across something really weird. I was visiting a colleague in my building whom I had not seen for some time. We had lunch together and then I went to use the restroom. As soon as I saw the huge sign on the bathroom door, I just burst into a hysterical laugh. There was a Quranic ayaat with English translation and a hadeeth below as well. The ayaat went like this: "Oh Allah, please protect me from the devil who dwells in dirty places" and then the hadeeth below said enter with your right foot as prophet used to do it. Once I was done, I saw a similar sign inside the toilet door saying something similarly stupid, thanking Allah for his blessing and then another hadeeth saying please exit using your left foot first... I was flabbergasted, to say the least.. A multi national company posting such embarrassingly lame signs outside the public toilet is really pushing it too far.
My idiot Egyptian colleague was telling me the other day how fortunate we are that we are born Muslims and we should thank Allah the almighty in whatever way we can that he has given us the special status of being Muslims and that he has made paradise just for us. He went on about how damned the Christians and Jews are because they had a chance back then and even now they have a chance to see the truth but they are blind, deaf and dumb.
I remember when I was in school, we had a few Christian and Hindu students back then in late 1980's. I attended the local Pakistani school here, which also had a few non Muslim Pakistani students, which comprise a very small minority. It used to be around 20 percent at the time of partition, but now, thanks to the forced conversion, torture and rape of non Muslim women by Muslim men, they have come down to merely 2 percent of the total population of Pakistan. Anyway, those few girls and boys in my class who were not among us had to face a lot of crap in class, even from the teachers, who treated them very shabbily. They would never miss an opportunity to insult them and make them feel subjugated, as per the Quranic law. Even back then, I used to feel terribly sorry for my friend Sunita and her cousin Rohan, who were Pakistani Hindus. Then there were two Christian girls, Susan and Rose, who constantly had to defend themselves and their faith and their Lord Jesus.
The sole problem of Muslims all over the world is their inborn pride, their sense of superiority. They feel and they believe with all their conviction that they are the chosen ones who would surely end up in heaven reclining on comfortable couches made of gold and wearing silk and brocade. Drinking from the ever flowing rivers of wine, milk and honey. Screwing 72 whores, and if you are gay, you get boys as white as pearl to satisfy your deepest and darkest fantasies. Now, that is what I call the eternal paradise.
I always thought that I am not capable of hating anyone in this world, because I believed that hate is a very strong emotion and I never felt so strongly about anyone. I either loved, liked or disliked someone, or maximum, I would detest or abhor, but hate was something I never used for anyone until recently, when I experienced this strong sense of hatred deep down inside my very being, consuming every part of my heart, soul and mind. That hatred is for none other than Mohammed, the very same person whom I used to love with so much conviction that he was the most perfect human being ever born on the face of the earth. I don't think that anyone or anything could have inflicted so much pain, that it actually makes me cry out loud every day and every night. I just wish I could go to Medina, dig up his grave, pull him out and set his bones or whatever of him remains on fire. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him from the core of my heart. If it weren't for him and his crazy make believe religion, the world would have been a very peaceful place indeed - a heaven on earth.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
A man's best friend or foe?
Hey friends, how have you been? First of all I would like to explain my extended leave of absence from the blog, as I was travelling and just returned Friday night. I just went down to Karachi for a week to see my parents and also to attend a distant cousin's wedding. She was very close to me at one time. But this time I was shocked to see the change in her. She has actually started wearing hijab because her to-be husband wanted her to do that. She did not even seem to mind, because she thinks that her husband is opening a door for her in heaven, since he will definitely be going there himself. The wedding was extremely simple, with no extravagant rituals, which is the norm in a typical Pakistani wedding. No music, no dancing, no nothing. Apparently, my cousin's in-laws think that it is a sin to perform any such ritual in a wedding, and that a wedding should be performed as per the Sunnah.
I found it a little difficult to adjust in Karachi this time, and I just felt like packing my bags and flying back home every day. It is not easy to pretend being a Muslim among so many staunch and practising Muslims, but thankfully, I am not a very bad actress, even if I may say so myself. I carried out the act pretty convincingly. I even used to lay down the prayer mat on the floor and sit on it while humming a song to myself. LOL. Oh boy, I am so glad to be back to my normal life where I can be myself and of course back to writing my blog.
Ever since I gave up Islam and became an apostate, my life is pretty simple, easy and enjoyable. I mean I can drink with friends without feeling guilty and I can have a normal love life without the fear of eternal hell fire. On one side, this cannot make up for the time lost, but at least I can make the most of what I have, the remaining few years of my life. I am not sure whether there is an eternal life or not, and perhaps this could be the only life that I ever get. That is why I want to be happy, as happy as I could get. I have lived enough in depression, guilt and fear.
This evening, while I was having a stroll in the park, I ran into my good old Australian neighbors, a very delightful couple in their late 50's who were out with their dog for his daily walk. The last time I had bumped into them, I was a bit averse to dogs. Even though I had given up Islam few months ago, still I could not make myself touch a dog, I was just too paranoid. But today, I had this sudden urge to bend down and pat him, and I whispered into his ears, "I am sorry, Benny, I am so sorry for the way I have always treated you and hated you for no fault of yours". I felt sick to my stomach thinking how could I have hated such a lovely and friendly little animal just because some psychopath lunatic said so. I felt extremely ashamed of myself, and I felt as if Benny could see the remorse in my eyes because he actually gave me a friendly little bark which meant, It's all right, Shakila, I forgive you. Then I looked up at the old couple who were staring at me as if I had just french kissed their dog or something. It sure was a funny sight. I just can't stop laughing each time I think of that moment and the look on their face. But I have to admit, I do feel wonderful, as if I have made peace with all the dogs in the world. I was probably 12 years old when my Islamic Studies teacher told me that our prophet hated dogs and she even quoted a hadeeth saying Abdullah (b. Umar) reported: "Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) ordered the killing of dogs and we would send (men) in Medina and its corners and we did not spare any dog that we did not kill, so much so that we killed the dog that accompanied the wet she-camel belonging to the people of the desert." (Sahih Muslim, Book 010, Number 3811).
I guess many Muslims don't have the ability to think and I am really ashamed to admit that perhaps I was one of them too. Why else would I actually hate poor little innocent dogs just because I was told to do so? I guess it means that Muslims really do not have a mind of their own and are totally incapable of thinking rationally and logically, and those who actually dare to do so end up being like me. An Apostate of Islam.
I found it a little difficult to adjust in Karachi this time, and I just felt like packing my bags and flying back home every day. It is not easy to pretend being a Muslim among so many staunch and practising Muslims, but thankfully, I am not a very bad actress, even if I may say so myself. I carried out the act pretty convincingly. I even used to lay down the prayer mat on the floor and sit on it while humming a song to myself. LOL. Oh boy, I am so glad to be back to my normal life where I can be myself and of course back to writing my blog.
Ever since I gave up Islam and became an apostate, my life is pretty simple, easy and enjoyable. I mean I can drink with friends without feeling guilty and I can have a normal love life without the fear of eternal hell fire. On one side, this cannot make up for the time lost, but at least I can make the most of what I have, the remaining few years of my life. I am not sure whether there is an eternal life or not, and perhaps this could be the only life that I ever get. That is why I want to be happy, as happy as I could get. I have lived enough in depression, guilt and fear.
This evening, while I was having a stroll in the park, I ran into my good old Australian neighbors, a very delightful couple in their late 50's who were out with their dog for his daily walk. The last time I had bumped into them, I was a bit averse to dogs. Even though I had given up Islam few months ago, still I could not make myself touch a dog, I was just too paranoid. But today, I had this sudden urge to bend down and pat him, and I whispered into his ears, "I am sorry, Benny, I am so sorry for the way I have always treated you and hated you for no fault of yours". I felt sick to my stomach thinking how could I have hated such a lovely and friendly little animal just because some psychopath lunatic said so. I felt extremely ashamed of myself, and I felt as if Benny could see the remorse in my eyes because he actually gave me a friendly little bark which meant, It's all right, Shakila, I forgive you. Then I looked up at the old couple who were staring at me as if I had just french kissed their dog or something. It sure was a funny sight. I just can't stop laughing each time I think of that moment and the look on their face. But I have to admit, I do feel wonderful, as if I have made peace with all the dogs in the world. I was probably 12 years old when my Islamic Studies teacher told me that our prophet hated dogs and she even quoted a hadeeth saying Abdullah (b. Umar) reported: "Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) ordered the killing of dogs and we would send (men) in Medina and its corners and we did not spare any dog that we did not kill, so much so that we killed the dog that accompanied the wet she-camel belonging to the people of the desert." (Sahih Muslim, Book 010, Number 3811).
I guess many Muslims don't have the ability to think and I am really ashamed to admit that perhaps I was one of them too. Why else would I actually hate poor little innocent dogs just because I was told to do so? I guess it means that Muslims really do not have a mind of their own and are totally incapable of thinking rationally and logically, and those who actually dare to do so end up being like me. An Apostate of Islam.
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