The Bourne Supremacy

Even when I was a Muslim, I often used to wonder why the hell these Muslims are so proud of themselves and their legacy. They have always taken it for granted that they would be the ones to enter heaven and the rest would burn in hell fire for eternity. I used to wonder how could the God almighty judge someone just based on their beliefs and not their good deeds. In school, my teachers used to tell us that no matter how many crimes a Muslim person committed, as long as he or she did not commit the unthinkable crime 'Shirk', he would eventually enter paradise, once he had done with his share of punishment in his temporary abode, the hell. In other words, a Muslim has a confirmed one way ticket to heaven, whereas a Non-Muslim is doomed to be in hell for eternity.

Last weekend, I was out of town visiting my uncle and his family for couple of days, and to say that it was sheer torture is an understatement. Each time I meet my family and relatives, I realize it more and more that they are totally nuts, psychopaths in fact, just like their cult leader Mo.  One day at breakfast my cousin was reading out some article about Bill Gates and his philanthropic acts. Between 2007 and 2011, he has spent 28 billion US dollars in charity and saved millions of lives. I was obviously very pleased and praised him wholeheartedly, to which my uncle said with a huge sigh, "It is a real pity that such good deeds of his will go in vain, because no matter what he does, he would eventually burn in hellfire for eternity unless he realizes the truth before he dies and says the shahada".  I was really shocked, to say the least. How could my favorite uncle, a top notch surgeon, say such a crappy thing about someone? Then I remembered that no matter how educated you are, once you are a Muslim, you are in some ways a brain dead zombie. As if there are two compartments in a Muslim man's mind: one deals with wordly affairs, logic, education, knowledge, intelligence and intellect, whereas the other compartment is totally one tracked, having an irrational obsession with Mohammed and his absurd idiosyncrasies. There was a lot that I wanted to say to my uncle, but then I thought, what the heck, it won't make a difference anyway, plus it would lead to an argument, which I did not want to get into lest I arouse his suspicion regarding my beliefs.

Then today at work, I came across something really weird. I was visiting a colleague in my building whom I had not seen for some time. We had lunch together and then I went to use the restroom. As soon as I saw the huge sign on the bathroom door, I just burst into a hysterical laugh. There was a Quranic ayaat with English translation and a hadeeth below as well. The ayaat went like this: "Oh Allah, please protect me from the devil who dwells in dirty places" and then the hadeeth below said enter with your right foot as prophet used to do it. Once I was done, I saw a similar sign inside the toilet door saying something similarly stupid, thanking Allah for his blessing and then another hadeeth saying please exit using your left foot first... I was flabbergasted, to say the least.. A multi national company posting such embarrassingly lame signs outside the public toilet is really pushing it too far.

My idiot Egyptian colleague was telling me the other day how fortunate we are that we are born Muslims and we should thank Allah the almighty in whatever way we can that he has given us the special status of being Muslims and that he has made paradise just for us. He went on about how damned the Christians and Jews are because they had a chance back then and even now they have a chance to see the truth but they are blind, deaf and dumb.

I remember when I was in school, we had a few Christian and Hindu students back then in late 1980's. I attended the local Pakistani school here, which also had a few non Muslim Pakistani students, which comprise a very small minority. It used to be around 20 percent at the time of partition, but now, thanks to the forced conversion, torture and rape of non Muslim women by Muslim men, they have come down to merely 2 percent of the total population of Pakistan. Anyway, those few girls and boys in my class who were not among us had to face a lot of crap in class, even from the teachers, who treated them very shabbily. They would never miss an opportunity to insult them and make them feel subjugated, as per the Quranic law. Even back then, I used to feel terribly sorry for my friend Sunita and her cousin Rohan, who were Pakistani Hindus. Then there were two Christian girls, Susan and Rose, who constantly had to defend themselves and their faith and their Lord Jesus.

The sole problem of Muslims all over the world is their inborn pride, their sense of superiority. They feel and they believe with all their conviction that they are the chosen ones who would surely end up in heaven reclining on comfortable couches made of gold and wearing silk and brocade. Drinking from the ever flowing rivers of wine, milk and honey. Screwing 72 whores, and if you are gay, you get boys as white as pearl to satisfy your deepest and darkest fantasies. Now, that is what I call the eternal paradise.

I always thought that I am not capable of hating anyone in this world, because I believed that hate is a very strong emotion and I never felt so strongly about anyone. I either loved, liked or disliked someone, or maximum, I would detest or abhor, but hate was something I never used for anyone until recently, when I experienced this strong sense of hatred deep down inside my very being, consuming every part of my heart, soul and mind. That hatred is for none other than Mohammed, the very same person whom I used to love with so much conviction that he was the most perfect human being ever born on the face of the earth. I don't think that anyone or anything could have inflicted so much pain, that it actually makes me cry out loud every day and every night. I just wish I could go to Medina, dig up his grave, pull him out and set his bones or whatever of him remains on fire. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him from the core of my heart.  If it weren't for him and his crazy make believe religion, the world would have been a very peaceful place indeed - a heaven on earth.