I have been pretty clear about my background, but people seem still be to confused. I do not live in Pakistan, as some people assume, but in the Middle East, in fact, in a pretty liberal city in the Middle East where I can openly date a good looking, Western Christian man and no one would even bat an eyelid. Over here, most of the local Arabs love fucking around Filipinos and other Far Eastern women so they are not exactly in the position to judge me.
I go with John to bars and clubs on most weekends. We drink, dance and basically paint the town red, and so far no one ever had any objection, so I really do not know from where people got the idea that I would be killed or stoned or something for dating a non-Muslim guy. Gosh, this is really insane. For heaven's sake, I do not live in Saudi Arabia. Here we get alcohol and even pork, you just need a liquor and pork permit for that. In fact, this very moment, I have a few bottles of vodka and gin in my cupboard. This place is really cool to live in, as long as you do not openly say or do something blasphemous.
I have gone through a lot in my life, from being a not so observant Muslim to a pretty ok kind of Muslim woman who used to pray five times a day and fasting the whole month of Ramadan for most of my life. Then last year, I went through one of the most difficult times of my life and I gave up Islam and became an apostate at first, then a deist and then even an agnostic. In fact, I was almost on my way to being an atheist. I was far too hurt, bitter, resentful and extremely angry at Islam and Mohammed for making me live in fear and guilt all my life. He had created a fear of Allah, the angry, cruel and sadist Allah in the hearts and minds of Muslims. We were not human beings, but zombies who had a blind faith in an evil man who claimed to be the last prophet of God. It was right then when I had almost lost faith in God that I met the love of my life, John. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He made me start believing in God again. He just asked me one thing: do you hate Allah? I said, yes I hate Allah and I hate that son of a bitch Mohammed. He said, why do you hate Allah? I said, because he does not exist and whatever qualities Mohammed claims he has, they are not Godly at all. Then he asked me one very simple question: that if there is a God, how would you want him to be? What kind of qualities would you like to be there in your God? I said if a God truly existed, he would be kind, compassionate and forgiving. He would never take pleasure in torturing his creation in eternal hell. To which he replied, that is exactly the God we believe in. Our God has all those and many more such qualities.
He did not make me change my mind overnight, but yes he had a very important role in making be a believer again. I am not really that angry anymore and I am actually pretty happy these days, and you know what, losers like skouti cannot do anything to change that... I don't care what others think. If they want to think that I do not exist, fine, let them. In fact, it might prove to be better for me in the long run. No one can accuse me of blasphemy or execute me for apostasy because I do not exist. I am Robert Spencer's alter ego. So guys, keep on thinking that Shakila Khan does not exist. It suits me just fine...