Oh yes, there have been some massive new developments. I have finally come out in the clean. Told my family today about my apostasy. I told my mother and my two sisters in law that I am no longer a Muslim, though I wish I had done this long ago. It's been a few hours since the bombshell, and I am sure they would have told my dad and brothers by now. It's been on my mind for some time, because I am sick and tired of pretending and living a dual existence, especially since my family had been sending me feelers, and as I mentioned last time, my brother and their wives wanted to get to know John better and were trying to accept him as part of the family, but all this was really not genuine, because they had an ulterior motive. They were assuming and expecting John would become a Muslim and do a nikah with me.
Today it was the last straw, when I ran into Sara and Uzma at the gym, my two sisters in law. They as usual had a message from my mom. She and dad apparently wanted to meet me somewhere and get some clarification about my faith. What clarification, I asked, to which they said my parents are concerned about my faith, if I am still as devout a Muslim as I used to be, and would John do a nikah with me in the mosque and would he recite the shahada in front of everyone. For a moment I was tempted to just go on with the charade that I have been playing for the last one year, but then I thought, what the hell. I am tired of living a lie and it's high time I come out with the truth. What's the worst that can happen? My parents have already disowned me, and perhaps they would disown me a grade higher, perhaps tell the world their daughter is dead, or worst come worse, they would just kill me, which is highly unlikely in this part of the world. They are old and retired and lived all their lives in the middle east. They don't want to spend the rest of their lives behind bars, or worse still, get deported to the God forsaken Pakistan, which is literally a hell on earth.
I knew my parents could not do much, so I just blurted out to Sara and Uzma that I am not a Muslim anymore. Gosh, you should have seen the look on their face, as if they had seen a ghost or something, they looked fearful and terrified and shocked. As if I said something so unbelievably shocking and demonic that hearing those words would bring a curse to their lives. They said, what? What do you mean? Please say you didn't really mean it. Please don't let us down like this. We have convinced your brothers to let it go and accept John, and we are trying to convince your parents as well. If this is true, then we won't be able to do anything, and if we tell this to our husbands, they would never let us speak to you again, and you would never be able to see your nieces and nephews again, because you will be literally dead to us.
I said that I have been living this lie, this facade for over a year, trying to please everyone and see that no one gets hurt, but I just can't do it anymore. They said they don't have the guts or courage to tell about my apostasy to my parents and that I should do it myself as soon as possible, because they are actually hoping for a reconciliation with John and me on the condition that John accepts Islam in front of everyone and does nikah, which is the Islamic marriage ceremony with me in the mosque. So I said fine. I will do it. I called my mom right then and there.
She was so shocked to hear from me after months, and I asked her, what clarification are you looking for? Sara and Uzma told me this morning, and I thought, it's about time we have a heart to heart conversation and an honest conversation for a change, with no lies or deceptions. Then she started pulling out all the skeletons from the closet, saying we trusted you so much but you let us down, you went against the teachings of Islam. You didn't just offend your parents, but offended Allah and his prophet, to which I said, Yes, about that, Mom, you see, I don't believe in Allah and his so called prophet anymore. I disowned Allah and Mohammed a year ago, and you know what? I have never been happier, Mom.
I swear you could have knocked her over with a feather. She was absolutely silent for a few seconds; then she said that they had started to doubt that I have moved away from my faith but they never thought for a moment that I would actually apostasize from Islam like that. I told her that even I never imagined I would give up Islam, as I was so sure of it all my life that this is the only truth, the only path that leads to heaven, but now that I know the truth, I feel I want to tell the whole world about it. I told her the whole story then how in the summer of 2011 I had got the English quran from Pakistan, and how the book seemed so fishy to me, nothing in it made sense. I told her that all my life I had merely read the quran without understanding it, but this time, I actually studied it like a scholar would, not only quran but the hadeeth and the sira and all that because one day I had accidentally stumbled upon www.alisina.org and then from there I got into jihadwatch and the rest, as they say, is history.
I told her that if she wanted, I would send her the links to those websites so she could check out the truth herself that Islam is nothing but pure deception, a cult created by none other but the self proclaimed prophet Mohammed. I asked her a question which left her speechless. I said, Mom, how can you say Islam is a religion of peace when the first thing it says is to kill anyone who leaves it. Isn't that ample proof that it's a cult, an evil cult? She said that she was not interested to hear about all that and she was very happy being a Muslim. We had a very long discussion on this, which I will write about in my next post. Till then, have a great weekend, friends. To be continued.