I am overwhelmed with the response that I got on my last post, and it feels wonderful to know that people who I have never met and who don't even know my real name are so concerned about my safety. Well, rest assured that I am absolutely safe.. I am sure most of you must have guessed that I live in UAE, not Saudi or Kuwait or Iran, or worse still, Afghanistan and Pakistan. This country is too westernised and far too eager to be in the good books of dear old uncle Sam. There is a nightclub and bar in every area and alcohol is freely available, but you need a liquor permit for that, which, by the way, I happen to have, even though I have a Pakistani passport and am a Muslim on paper. There has never been a case of honor killing in this country and not likely to be one now. So please, my dear friends and well wishers, rest assured that I am fit and fine and my family are not going to kill me and jeopardize their future.
Both my brothers have good stable jobs and so do their wives. They live in luxurious apartments and their children attend private British schools. They both have four wheel drive cars and so do their wives. They travel to Europe or the far east every summer. Do you honestly think they would risk losing all that and get deported to Pakistan or put behind bars? There is no way they would forsake their heavenly luxurious lives for anything or anyone, and yes, that means not even for Allah or Mohammed. As far as my parents are concerned, they don't have a penny of their own. My dad is retired and mom a housewife all her life. My two brothers and I support them financially. By the way, I write cheques and give them to my parents every few months. In fact the last time I spoke to my mom, on Saturday, when I told her about my apostasy, the last thing she did before hanging up was to remind me that December is the last cheque she has. I assured her that I will write cheques for the next six months and send the envelope to her with my company driver. So you see, it's next to impossible that my family would kill the hen which lays the golden eggs.
Ok, let's go back to the conversation I had with my mom on Saturday. I made it very clear to her that I left Islam last year in October, four months before I met John, so there is no way they would link my apostasy to him. They know we been together since February and he came to the country in January, so his life is no danger at all. To be honest, the phone call with my mom didn't end that bad, at least not as bad as I had expected. In fact, I almost felt she actually understood why I did what I did. She was in a shock, no doubt, but she never said don't call me again. When I was telling her about Mohammed and how he made it all up and he invented Islam just for his own benefit and financial gain, she never said she doesn't want to hear about it. In fact she said she is too old to even consider doubting Islam and she wants to spend rest of her remaining life in peace. I didn't tell her openly that I am a Christian now lest she blames John for proselytizing me, but I did say to her that even though I may not believe in Allah and Mohammed anymore, I still do believe in God but he is just a different God from yours and he is more loving. He doesn't teach violence and he says to love everyone. I told her more than once that John has nothing to do with my leaving Islam and he is just a catalyst which helped me to come out, or else I might have ended up being a closeted apostate rest of my life. John's life is not in danger because now he is no longer in the picture for them. They are just very sad, disheartened and disappointed in me, that how can our daughter or sister do this after being such a pious Muslim all her life.
The phone conversation with my mom proved to be very constructive and I have a gut feeling it won't be the last.
The best thing out of all this is my mood swings are not as bad. I don't feel like crying all the time because that burden is finally off my chest. I no longer have to pretend anymore, in fact, the last two nights I have slept really well. I haven't felt this light hearted since I left Islam last year. I no longer have to pretend being a Muslim and I don't have to hear those lectures about going to hell and offending Allah, because now they know I don't believe in Allah or Mohammed anymore. Now my brothers and their wives won't forward me stupid hadeeth or ayaats because they know it means nothing to me anymore. So in a way, I am relieved that finally I can live an honest life, no more pretense.
I am actually happy...