I think in my last post I had forgotten to mention a few names, and some of them probably got offended, so here is a big thank to Trying to Follow Jesus, Kafir ibn al Shaitan, Anon, Dovecoder, bhigr, Ronald B, Bu Larue and Hesperado. Please keep on reading my blog and comment on it, your support means a lot.
It is so easy to judge others, isn’t it? Has anyone ever tried to picture themselves in my shoes and think what I am going through? I guess the only person here who can empathize with me is Talitha, because she too is an ex -Muslim and comes from a similar family background.
I think you guys need to go back and read my posts again. I have mentioned it pretty clearly that I am a very new apostate, just been over two months now when I actually gave up Islam, and you guys expect me to pack my bags and escape to the United States or Canada or whichever country offers me asylum? Do you think it is that easy to wind up your 25 years of life living in the same country in just 2 months? To give up my job where I have been working for 11 years in a blink of an eye? To go to my bank and tell them I won’t be able to pay the interest free loan that they have given me to buy my car and that they can probably take the car and sell it themselves? I cannot just wake up one morning and run away from my existence. It needs proper planning and execution and it will happen at the right time, but for the time being, I am happy being just what I am – A closeted Apostate.
What about when I land in America or Canada? What then? Where will I live? Where will I work? Who will help me in getting a job and a legal status? There are far too many illegal immigrants in those countries as it is, and there is no way I am going to add one more to the list.
Besides that, what will I tell my family? Besides my parents, brothers and sister, I have a huge extended family, including grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins. I have 3 nieces and 2 nephews who love me to bits. Can I live with the fact that my brothers and sister would tell them that their favorite aunty is dead to them? That would be so devastating for me and even for them. I do not want to lose my family, and that is why I can never come out in the open with my apostasy.
As Talitha very aptly wrote in her last post:
For many apostates, the main reason they find themselves forced to remain living in secret is the horrible fact that everyone around them, their loved ones, family, friends, might and will leave them. It might not be "dangerous", and certainly other apostates have it much worse, but it is something that affects the human altogether in a very negative way. Something many people are not ready to throw themselves in.
Is it cowardly? Maybe. But I see it as someone who is living secretly as a homosexual, having to 'come out', not exactly, but a analogy to understand how it may be. For many apostates, being killed is not their worry, but they know for sure they will be beaten, they will be forever spoken of terribly, and they will continuously be told they are supposed to, by Allah's rule, be killed. Even if the apostate is NOT killed, the fact that everyone around them believes they should be... would be devastating to see that in the eyes of those they love. It is very hurtful and a person can only tolerate much.
I assure everyone that I have no intention to live here in the Middle East all my life and I am exploring all options to escape from here, but at the same time, I need to be sure that my future is secure and I do no end up being a burden to anyone. I just hope that this is the last time I am trying to defend myself or prove my sincerity, because from now on, I would like to focus on the main issue here, that is exposing Islam and to explicate my apostasy in detail.
So look out my next post, entitled “The Holocaust.”
Till then, I wish you all a very Happy New Year.